


The Human Affliction

by Sim1Blanket



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, I'll add more later I don't really know where I'm going with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sim1Blanket/pseuds/Sim1Blanket
Summary: After defeating Galaxia and returning to the normal life of a teenager, Rei’s grandpa passes leaving Rei in an extremely emotionally precarious position clinging to any semblance of normalcy or human connection. Minako offers to drive Rei to school to help take her mind off things, but that was just the beginning of utter catastrophe for Rei.
Relationships: Aino Minako/Hino Rei
Kudos: 10





	1. Numb

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Truth About Keeping Secrets](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/676996) by Savannah Brown. 



> Let's get the obvious over with, I don't own Sailor Moon.  
> Cool now that that's over with I should also clarify that this is derivative at best so if you enjoy the *vibe* of this I recommend you read The Truth About Keeping Secrets by Savannah Brown since this is almost 100% inspired by that but I'm adjusting things to make it ReiNako. (it will probably get more original as it goes but it's close enough at the start that I should acknowledge it)  
> This is uh, my first actual fanfiction (that I'd like to be associated with that is, we don't talk about middle school me writings) I just really love ReiNako and thought this would be cool. I hope to update this *semi* regularly but no promises since I'm in college and all.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy it ^.^

Grandpa is dead, and by some twisted joke, I’m left in this cold shrine all alone. I guess whatever cosmic force has brought me back to life numerous times already doesn’t feel gracious enough to save the last actual family member I had left, it doesn’t care enough to resurrect the feeling of life I used to have inside myself. Cold, empty, suffocating, I guess that’s just what living is going to be like from now on. God the quiet in this shrine is going to kill me if the divine will of the silver crystal would even allow that to happen. What a cruel joke, as if I haven’t suffered enough, first my mother, now grandpa, and my father is in a state worse than being dead, so I guess just fuck me right? Did I do some horrendous act in my past life to deserve all of this? That’s the only explanation for this unending babushka doll of misery that is shaping out to be my life.

At least I still have all the other senshi, they’ve made things a little more bearable. Makoto has been supplying me a steady supply of home-cooked meals, I’m sure they taste great but grief has a way of dulling senses down to nothing, so I could be eating cement mix and I’m not sure I would be able to tell the difference. Mako gets it the best, I guess it’s a perk of the dead family club. Ami gave me some books on grief, I love Ami but the last thing I want to be doing right now is reading a psychology book, though I’m sure it would help if I could bring myself to do it. Usagi, ever the nuisance in my life, has been periodically coming over to bother me and force me to eat, though I think she just wants an excuse to eat more of Mako’s cooking. I know she’s trying to help but I can’t help but notice the pity in her eyes every time she looks at me and I just want to scream at the void for putting me in this position, again. I was done with grieving, I’d grieved for my mom, I grieved for all of the versions of myself that had died so far, heck I even grieved for my absent father, not that he even deserved it. If someone could hit a limit on grief I’m sure I hit it long ago but life seems to greatly enjoy my agony so here I am again. Every day I’m going through the motions of keeping the shrine running, like playing a video game of what my life used to be, wake up, meditate, sweep, greet customers, give fortunes, sell charms and other souvenirs, close up, eat, go to bed. I feel so lifeless, it’s like my subconscious has done the service of sparing me from the excruciating pain by turning everything off, I’m not sure which would be better at this point. 

The outers have come by a few times to help, it’s not like I don’t enjoy seeing them, it’s just everyone keeps fucking babying me and I’m tired of it. I wish I could just wall up in my room and be alone. I’ve always worked better by myself, I’ve made it through every other loss by myself, I don’t need anyone else bothering me this time. Minako all but forced me to accept her offer to drive me to school. I’m honestly dreading it, I don’t think I can handle seeing the pity on her face and not being able to promptly eject myself from the vicinity, I wonder if the senshi healing works on road burn…

I wake up drenched in sweat after being forced to watch all of the senshi die again. Fighting Galaxia once was enough, I don’t need her plaguing my dreams too. Sleep used to be a solace, sweet nothingness for hours before waking refreshed and ready for whatever chores or vigilante duties I had that day, now sleep is a ruthless temptress promising a respite from the suffering of waking hours only to leave me feeling worse than before, staring blankly at the ceiling struggling for breath. I roll over and glance at the clock, 3 am, two hours before I need to be up to meditate, well I guess I’m awake there’s no use trying to fall back asleep just to go back to that hell again. I roll over and grab my phone, there’s a text from Minako received at 12:54, I swear that girl never sleeps, “Don’t forget I’m picking you up! If I drive all the way over there just to find you’ve walked to school you’ll be in for it, you hear me Hino!” I smirk at my phone and slowly start to pull myself out of bed. My first day back since grandpa died, today is going to be awful, I better shower and brush my hair, I haven’t exactly been doing the best job at personal hygiene, not like anyone important was seeing me since I’ve been hauled up in the shrine since it happened. After showering and brushing out the mattes from my hair I walk to the ceremonial fire and sit down to meditate. Meditating is as much a habit as it is a religious practice at this point, it’s how I gather my thoughts every morning, I’m not sure how I would function if I ever skipped it.

I stare blankly at my closet, I almost forget what I’m doing when I see the neat uniform up on the hanger, I pull it down and revel in the familiar feeling of donning it. I think at this point I’m only making it through life purely through habit, if my muscles didn’t remember how to put on my uniform I’m not sure I could have figured it out, my mind has just completely disconnected, it’s hurtling through space thinking about everything and nothing all at once. Breath, today will be fine, I can do this, it’s just school. I've done it every day for practically my whole life, today is no different. I can’t help but feel terribly guilty for greatly this is effecting me, grandpa always stressed that grief was for the funeral and that it’s the Shinto way appreciate the fleetingness of life and not mourn so deeply, but really at this point fuck the Shinto traditions, this fucking sucks so bad I have no one left. I feel so angry at everything, why did grandpa have to go off and die, why did my mom have to die, why did my stupid good for nothing dad have to leave, it’s just not fair. I shouldn’t be thinking that I’ve been brought back three times now, I should feel more grateful. I check back at my clock, 6:45, Minako will be here before too long, that is if she isn’t late like always. I get my things for school together and I start the walk down the steps of the shrine, today will be alright, I can handle this. I'm Rei Hino for god sakes and I’ve handled much harder things before.


	2. First Day Back

7:30 am, Minako is pulling in, she decided to come a little early on my first day back so we could have breakfast together, I think she just wants visual confirmation that I'm eating. If she wasn't here I'm not certain if I would have eaten or not, I probably wouldn't, the constant roiling in my stomach doesn't exactly lend itself to voluntary eating, but I'd rather force down food than have Minako think I'm not handling this well, any signs of faltering and I'm sure Mina would jump at the chance to play doctor again, and more babying is the last thing I need right now, that and the shrine would never recover from another round of Mina's attempt at cleaning.

I take a deep breath in as I see Minako opening her car door, the mask of reserved indifference falls over my face and I settle in for the teeth pulling that I'm sure breakfast will shape into.

"Hi Rei!" Minako yells as she jogs over, the red bow in her hair bobbing up and down, threatening to catch the wind and fly away, leaving her golden tresses to cascade into her face, but it doesn't, it settles back into its normal position as Mina abruptly halts in front of me, she flashes me a dazzling smile and hesitates just slightly before going in for a hug, which I begrudgingly accept. Next to my ear Mina softly says "It's so good to see you, especially back in that uniform" finishing with a suggestive tone, that I can clearly hear her smirk through, and continues, "I've missed you at school," she holds the hug for an almost uncomfortable amount of time as if she's trying to absorb the grief from me. I scoff at Mina as I pull away "I can't stay home forever, we both know you get into too much trouble when I'm not there, another day and you'd probably be suspended. That and I don't think I can take another novel from Usagi about every joke or dramatic interaction that I'm missing." I start towards the door and Mina follows me, "I don't know why she thinks I need to hear everything that happens, I barely tolerate hearing her talk about it when I'm actually there to see it." We make our way to the kitchen and Mina immediately heads for the refrigerator while I grab two mugs for us. I'm starting the kettle and getting ready to pour coffee for Mina when I hear a crash and shattering sound come from Mina's direction.

"Whoops," Mina says sheepishly, "you'd think all this volleyball skill would make me better at holding on to things," she continues while bending over to pick up the pieces of broken plate. " I swear you're worse than Usagi," I say with a huff, "between the two of you it's a wonder I still have any dishes at all."

"Oh poor Rei, if it pleases the crown, I could buy you a set of rainbow unicorn plates," Minako says in a mocking tone as she walks up behind me taking her cup of coffee. "I think I'd rather have no plates, but thanks," I say as I finish filling my cup of tea with hot water.

"Hey, where do you keep your sugar again? I swear it moves every time I'm over here" Mina grumbles as she opens and closes another cabinet door "I only take my coffee as sweet as me"

"In that case, I think your coffee is perfect as it is" I quip back as I open the cabinet that has contained the sugar for as long as I've lived here. "You know you love me Rei," Minako says while batting her eyelashes "now give me the damn sugar before I shrivel up from the bitterness of this stale old coffee you made" she finishes with a suddenly cold tone and a sickly sweet smile. I suppress a smile as I follow her to the dining table with the sugar "Fine, fine but you can't convince me that any of that glorified sad bean water tastes good." Minako looks over at me and sticks her tongue out "You just haven't been blessed with good taste, it's truly a burden," Minako says as she looks off into the middle distance with a forlorn expression, "especially when you subject me to expired dark roast" she continues as she shovels sugar into her cup.

I settle in across from her and take a long drink of my tea. The silence washes over the room like an old friend, but now silence isn't as warm and cozy as it once was. I can feel the icy tendrils that used to feel like crisp fall air, now pulling me into the darkness. Grandpa used to love mornings, but grandpa isn't here anymore. He's not here to make inappropriate comments about Mina, he's not here to give his wry smile anytime I teased her, he's not here to wish me a good day at school. Grandpa's gone. Mom's gone. Dad's gone.

I take a breath and wrench my thoughts out of their spiral, pressing my eyes shut as forcefully as I can. Mina is here, Mina cares, she likes disgusting coffee and flirtatious jokes, and she's here to drive me to school. I open my eyes and I see Mina looking at me with a soft expression, I think she knows what I was thinking. "It's alright Rei, I miss him too," Mina says softly with a small smile "it's not quite the same without someone here to appreciate the cut of my skirt, I mean really do I have to pay someone for some recognition here?" I give a small smile and say "Your skirt is very, you Mina. is that what you were wanting to hear?" I force myself to take a bite of the breakfast Mako made to hide my smile. I'm feeling better, having Mina here is nice, her presence is grounding, something solid I can tether myself to, to pull myself out of my own head.

Mina pouts and says "What's that supposed to mean Rei, 'very me'" making air quotes with her hands. "I'll let you decide that Mina" I wink and stand up, gathering the dishes, "we better get going now or we'll be late for school." Mina groans loudly "Don't remind me, maybe we can just skip?" she looks over at me batting her eyelashes. "Skipping on what's supposed to be my first day back is definitely a bad idea," I say flatly. "You're such a stick in the mud," Mina says as she grabs my backpack and half walks, half twirls her way to the door.

I shut my car door and put on my seatbelt as Mina fiddles with the radio. "You aren't putting on that obnoxious pop music are you?" I say in a teasing manner

"Oh be quiet you know you love it, I've seen you nodding along to it before," Mina says with a smirk. "I have not!" I huff and look out the side window as Mina drives away from the shrine. I watch as we pass other students walking to school, I wonder if fate hates them as much as it hates me. Are they just good at hiding it? My mind is pulled to Mina as she looks over at me for the third time, "Is there something you wanted to say or are you just looking at me like that for fun?" I say glancing over at Mina. Mina looked over at me with a sheepish expression "Oh nothing really, I was just wondering you know, how you were doing? I know the first day back to school is supposed to be a big one," Mina trailed off looking back at the road "I don't want to make things awkward but like, I'm a little worried about you and the friendship handbook doesn't exactly cover how to handle when your best friends grandpa who raised her dies leaving her by herself with a shrine," she turns into the school parking lot and continues "I'm really trying though, so, if you'd humor me, how are you?" She finished with a dazzling smile, throwing the car into park and shifting herself to look me in the eye.

I was caught off guard, Mina is so good at being frank and straightforward at exactly the right moment to leave me speechless. I give a slight cough and say "Oh I'm, I'm doing alright, you really don't need to worry," I look down at my feet "it's uh not exactly my first rodeo, you could say I'm a pro at losing family members," I say with an uncomfortable laugh. Mina's expression softens and she gives me a small smile, "well, please tell me if you need anything, or if you just want to just like, runoff, and do something to distract yourself, we can definitely do that." With that, she grabs her book bag from the back seat and gets out of the car. I throw my bag over my shoulder and sigh, I guess I'm doing this, I am definitely not ready for my first day back at school.

Mina walks me straight to Usagi, like I need constant supervision, before running off herself to do some stupid volleyball thing before class starts, "I'll see you later Rei," She says before leaving giving a suggestive wink along with it. God that girl is relentless, you'd think the teasing would let up what with the whole dead grandpa and everything, but that's just not Mina, nothing stops her once she's on her warpath and it seems utterly disarming me is her goal. I turn to say hi to Usagi, who promptly tries to tackle me to the ground with one of her patented bear hugs. I regain my footing and scowl at her "Usagi! Don't do that I could have fallen over!" I say as I pry her off me. "You were fine, besides I think you needed the hug," Usagi says with a huff. "I did not, anyways you should be more careful," I say, brushing my hair behind my shoulder and looking away from her.

"Can't you two get along for 5 minutes," Makoto says as she walks up. "It wasn't me! Usagi practically jumped on me, if I hadn't been paying attention I would have been knocked to the floor!" I say haughtily, looking over at Mako. Usagi sputters for a moment before saying "That's not true! I was just giving her a hug! If she hadn't resisted it would have been fine!" Ami, who had been standing at her locker sorting through her textbooks the whole time, pipes in "Usagi did have a bit of a running start but Rei is exaggerating a little, they weren't in any danger of falling over." Usagi and Rei both glare over at Ami who visibly shrinks

"Whatever it was, it doesn't matter anymore, if we don't get going we're gonna be late to class!" Mako says as she starts jogging off Ami quickly following her. "Stupid Usagi if you made me late to class you're in for it," I say, as I run past a dumbstruck Usagi still processing what Mako said.

As I make it to class just before the bell rings I'm struck by how normal this morning has felt. Being with Usagi and the others, everything is easy, conversations flow, everything just feels so natural. It's a nice change to the spiraling that's been life at the shrine recently.

I settle into my seat and quickly drift off into thought about today's plans. Everyone is meeting tonight at the crown, Usagi wants to get everyone to do karaoke with her, I'll have to find a way out of that. But before that Minako is driving me home, what a hassle, I was doing just fine walking to school by myself before all of this, I'm not some flight risk puppy that needs to be watched 24/7. At least it's Minako and not Usagi, I think I'd go insane before my second week back if I had to ride in a car alone with Usagi. But something is different about Minako, her presence is like a soft buttercup in a field, it's comforting and instantly makes the space feel more comfortable and relaxed even if my thoughts wander to dark places, she's still there with her gentle golden glow. I could just sit in silence next to Mina and just bask in the warm aura she exudes. I lose myself in my thoughts and before I even realize it the bell is ringing for the next class. It can't have been that long, I was only just sitting down for class a minute ago thinking about my plans for the day… I hate grief brain, I used to have a meticulous hold on time, I could tell you what time it was without even looking at a clock and now I so often find myself shocked by it's passing like I've gone off into some different universe where time doesn't exist and it's just me and my brain that has it out for me. Oh well, at least it was pleasant thoughts this time and not about… I stop myself not wanting to think of grandpa, but it's too late, a massive wave of sadness rushes over me. I reign in my emotions and lock them safely behind the walls of my eyes; I have classwork to do, I don't have time for this, not now. My body enters autopilot and I robotically force myself through the motions. At least I can look forward to riding home with Mina.


End file.
